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Fat May 24, 2012

Posted by Marie in Uncategorized.
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I’m getting older, I don’t really feel it. I feel fat because I am fat, I’ve never in my whole life felt like this, like I can’t jump, I can run like I used to, my tummy gets in the way when I want to do a stretch – it sucks and it makes me feel very sad. I’m lazy or just tired, I wish I had more passion to get up and exercise but most days I feel like I’ve done all I can, I just just wanna sit still and not do anything – I’ve only just started to feel that way, maybe it’s because I’m getting fat and this is what being fat is like? I hate how difficult it’s been for me to lose the weight and it’s such a slap in the face when so many just snap back into shape, makes me want to smack them. Then I feel ashamed that I don’t have that kinda willpower. Did I ever have willpower? I can’t remember. I liked exercising, I liked sports, I liked spending time with my friends and then husband at the gym, It was FUN. It hasn’t been fun.

Diet? Don’t even get me started, I don’t diet well. I’ve never really had to, I’d maybe go on a diet for a month to lose maybe 2kg, we’re talking 10kg now… that’s at least 5 months, I shudder to think! See, no willpower.

Then I feel sad. I’m like this non-person. I’m not vain, perhaps I’ve never had to be. I used to turn heads, now no one notices the fat woman, no one cares. Not fat enough to sicken anyone but plump enough for people to ignore. Or maybe it’s because I’m old, I’m not sure which is worse? Fat or old. Oh dear gawd, I’m becoming BOTH.

I need to snap out of this soon and go to the freaking GYM.

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