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Have a Happy Period February 29, 2008

Posted by Marie in Yucks.
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I’m sure I’ve seen this posted else where but … it’s still funny.
 
This is a letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph… PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best web mail-award-winning letter….

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dry-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call an inbred hillbilly with knife skills. Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, Mr. Thatcher, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control, maniacal behaviour.

You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants…

Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you fu**ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager. male brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness – is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out of your ass, man! If you just have to Slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.

Best, Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

Things that make you go EEEEEEWWWWWWW September 4, 2006

Posted by Marie in Yucks.
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Okay, I know I’m a lil anal-retentive and it’s usually the lil things that bug the hell outta me…well, Sunday I was put to the test. I have passed but it doesn’t mean it’s all good now .
 
Issues
1. Nose hair that grows out and up
2. Teeth which are dying
3. Green gunk removed from ones’ teeth after dessert and then placed on ones’ cup
 
I’m grossed out and now so are you… the thing is, that I have to deal with ‘it’ till Thursday!! The other problem, he’s a very nice old man but my grandfather looked better and neater at 91!! Argh! Plus he speaks so softly I have to place my pretty face near the offensive ….mess?
It’s a 3 way tug-o-war…. be professional, be nice, be totally grossed out. I’m tired.
 
Oh and I must mention, I went to the Bird Park and I haven’t been in 20 years and I remembered why…. the owls were cool though.

 

Peew May 5, 2006

Posted by Marie in Yucks.
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When ppl send you a picture… it would be GREAT if they tucked their darn nose hair in! Cos that’s just GROSS.

Okay, I need a new bikini that doesn’t allow me to ‘all hang out’…
this is gonna be tough. We’re also gonna go nutters over M.A.C. Wish me
& Ann luck.

No Zouk for me… I have a funky tummy. Blah.

Burps and then some September 5, 2005

Posted by Marie in Yucks.
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You know how I go on about how my boss is trying to kill me? She’s at it again!
 
She decides to go through the presentation at my desk (cos she doesn’t know how to use Powerpoint) and she sits way too close and burps and burps! It’s after lunch…GAG. I have Skittles in a fancy bottle on my desk so…
M: Would you like a Lil Skittle?
EL: You have a sweet tooth don’t you Marie?
M: Stunned silence…. erm, no, not really….
EL: No thanks
M: [in my head] Damn it Damn it Damn it……
 
Woe is I…….

Gone spotty August 4, 2005

Posted by Marie in Yucks.
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I’ve gotten a lil spotty on my back and I hate it. A clean back is a must for my upcoming dive trip so I went to the docs yesterday to get some Doxycycline and some Differin thingy. She looks like me like I’m a hypochondriac… I know I kinda am… but when it comes to my skin I don’t like to play around. After the massive acne break out when I was 16… shudder… never again. So more than 5 spots and I’m running to the doctors and this back thing has been bugging me for more than a month. So now… I’m broke… and it’s not funny.
 
I’ve got a GREAT weekend planned I hope I can get everything done.
 
Friday – Party Hardy, I hope Makster, Ven, Hapadoll, Sye & Sexy Mama can ALL make it!
Sat – Catch up on sleep, Grooming & hopefully Sheesha
Sun – Workout and Wakeboard
Mon – Back to the grind for a bit
Tues – Pack and I’m off
Wed – Hey fishy fishy…. I hope I see a ray…of any kind!! and yes… hot diver dudes…swoon.

Gas June 20, 2005

Posted by Marie in Yucks.
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I’m a lil ill. Seriously, the weird joint pains had me a lil worried cos I know I wasn’t having the flu. I kinda woke up thinking maybe I have Lupus and gas…. don’t ask how I came up with lupus…. so anyway… the gas bit… stomach flu… I was seriously giving my dad a run for his money…. ahahahaha! I have to eat sick food. Gag. No yummy cheese and crackers for me.

The good news is that while I was waiting to see my doctor I got two jackets and a pair of pants!! Woot. Okay…. NO MORE SHOPPING for me.

It’s back to the grind tmr…. and I want a bloody pedicure!!

Traumatized May 10, 2005

Posted by Marie in Yucks.
6 comments
What is it with men?

When I’m old enuf to be your grand-daughter…don’t ask me for my bloody handphone number! Gross Indonesian men! gag!

Or when I’m old enuf to know the difference been magic and reality, don’t tell me you’ll put a bloody vodoo curse on me cos I don’t wanna be your 6th african wife or something!

The annoying bit is that I meet these strange men via work!! sheessh!! If common sense doesn’t work how about work ethics? Or professionalism?

Only hotties may apply.

How gross is this! May 3, 2005

Posted by Marie in Yucks.
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Yes.. I still eat meat… but I don’t eat Sharks Fin (as much as I think it’s yummy) or Veal (lovED it) or dog or cats or anything endangered!

After 20 years, whale meat returns to Japanese school lunch! WTF!
http://story.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/afplifestylejapanwhaling

Train Rides April 28, 2005

Posted by Marie in Yucks.
3 comments
I take the train A LOT. More than I like too. I’m seriously thinking about getting a lil scooter! Anyways, at City Hall a man that reeked of a prata stall sat next to me. GAG! I felt soooo sick. Smelling carbs and spices in the morning is NOT pleasant! Change your shirt! Come On!!!