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I HATE My Helper July 30, 2012

Posted by Marie in Uncategorized.
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I hate her I really really hate her. Like I wish she’d just run away and not come back. It’s gotten to the point where I’m soooo fucking sick of the whole thing I want to do it all on my own. I want to feed, raised and take care of my own kids and dogs, seriously but then I’m not sure how we’d pay off the reno loans or housing loan. I hate Singapore sometimes.

Sigh.

Note: We fired her on the next day but I didn’t send her home, I let her get another employer. We’re quite happy with the new maid now.

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Fat May 24, 2012

Posted by Marie in Uncategorized.
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I’m getting older, I don’t really feel it. I feel fat because I am fat, I’ve never in my whole life felt like this, like I can’t jump, I can run like I used to, my tummy gets in the way when I want to do a stretch – it sucks and it makes me feel very sad. I’m lazy or just tired, I wish I had more passion to get up and exercise but most days I feel like I’ve done all I can, I just just wanna sit still and not do anything – I’ve only just started to feel that way, maybe it’s because I’m getting fat and this is what being fat is like? I hate how difficult it’s been for me to lose the weight and it’s such a slap in the face when so many just snap back into shape, makes me want to smack them. Then I feel ashamed that I don’t have that kinda willpower. Did I ever have willpower? I can’t remember. I liked exercising, I liked sports, I liked spending time with my friends and then husband at the gym, It was FUN. It hasn’t been fun.

Diet? Don’t even get me started, I don’t diet well. I’ve never really had to, I’d maybe go on a diet for a month to lose maybe 2kg, we’re talking 10kg now… that’s at least 5 months, I shudder to think! See, no willpower.

Then I feel sad. I’m like this non-person. I’m not vain, perhaps I’ve never had to be. I used to turn heads, now no one notices the fat woman, no one cares. Not fat enough to sicken anyone but plump enough for people to ignore. Or maybe it’s because I’m old, I’m not sure which is worse? Fat or old. Oh dear gawd, I’m becoming BOTH.

I need to snap out of this soon and go to the freaking GYM.

I’m BACK January 16, 2012

Posted by Marie in Fitness & Health.
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Well, I don’t wanna clutter my baby blog with too much exercise stuff. I went back to the gym after 2.5 years, 2 babies, 10 kg to 12 kg over my regular weight and overall… I’m overweight, this is the heaviest I’ve EVER been and it’s damn hard to control the eating and even harder to find time to exercise. I’m gonna try and just start with the exercise and I hope (and pray) the rest will follow, especially after I’m done breastfeeding and don’t have any excuses any more :P.

Friday 13, 2012

Warm up (bike): 10 mins

Cardio (treadmill) :25 mins [20 mins – 2.4km)

Arm weight – can remember the names

I Miss Marie December 20, 2011

Posted by Marie in Uncategorized.
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Some days I look at an old photographs and I think this wasn’t THAT long ago and then I look for a date and OMG, it’s been 8 years. What? Happened? Some days I’m terrified of how fast I’m losing the old me and I’m just a worker & a mother and I struggle to fit everything else I love and know in. Some days I wanna sit for a bit and catch my breath. Some days I’m so happy with my life I’m giddy with joy. Some days, I resent it. Most days I know things will get better, there will be a balance… but I need hang on.

Missing the 90s July 5, 2011

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Watching MTV and I don’t know if it’s age or whatever but I really have to say that I miss 90’s music. I especially miss the alternative genre. Those were the days when you had to write music that meant something and the whole album wasn’t about getting laid and singing your name on repeat. Watching MTV these days depresses me, no wonder they screen reality crap… now that’s depressing!

Give Till It Hurts? January 20, 2011

Posted by Marie in Blah, Gripes, Randomness.
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Had conversations with 2 different people about going the extra mile and getting nothing in return or worse – crap. I don’t know if it’s cos we expect more or people our age and older get lazy… but I’ve been disappointed a lot lately.

I think in general I rather not get presents then get rubbish, I have no idea what to do with and some people have kinda gotten the picture *whew* but in general I go the extra mile because I care, because I don’t want to disappoint and I’m learning that I can’t expect the same… so what do you do now? Do you become the same? Or do you keep doing what you’re going and get disappointed? I don’t know really…

Physically, I’ve learnt to cut back a bit, I want to be a good mother, wife, daughter, friend etc but I know I can’t be all, all the time. I’ve learnt and am learning to say, I’m sorry but I’m tired or I’m sorry but I can’t deal with it right now. My mantra was I Can Sleep When I’m Dead it’s changed, I know I need to rest but I can’t help waking up early to get stuff done, I’ve always been that way, early bird catches the worm and all that. But it is getting to the point that if people don’t bother, I feel I shouldn’t bother either.

iClueless January 12, 2011

Posted by Marie in Randomness.
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I got the new iPhone just before the new year, because the mess that was caused by Deza, I didn’t really get a chance to play with it till I got back to work. So far, I haven’t done much with it cept for download – a flash card thing for Ry, Angry Bird … seems for R, Camera+ and of course FB.

I fell alseep to Angry Birds, R’s more into it I think than I’ll ever be. Oh well.

Make/ Bake January 10, 2011

Posted by Marie in Uncategorized.
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*closed* going with Chocolate Cheese Brownie because I don’t think I’ll have enough time to do a tart. I’ll have that at my next ‘do’.

I Miss… November 23, 2010

Posted by Marie in Blah, Singleton, Whine.
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I miss… in no particular order

1. Jumping

2. Running

3. Wakeboarding

4. Drinking a cup of coffee, a Coke Zero and a Teh Ping less sugar, a Rootbeer Float in a single day

5. Just shopping and wasting time in Orchard Road

6. Swimming with my dogs

7. Long pointless conversations on  the phone

8. Dancing to loud music aka clubbing

9. Drinking … ok this one not so much cos I do still indulge but control is key and it sucks when someone pours me something yummy and I have to stop at a glass

10. Doing nothing and not feeling like shit about it

 

Anyhoo October 29, 2010

Posted by Marie in Happy Happy Joy Joy, Mustings, Singleton.
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I know not one really cares and hardly anyone visits this site but I managed to import all my old post from my msn spaces website to wordpress. I’m so happy.

Can you imagine I’ve been blogging since 1999!! My first blog was on Geocities!! You’d have 9MB of space and that’s it, so every month I’d have to make room and if you didn’t kinda understand html your site would kinda suck. Now things are wayyyy easier these days.

Was reading some entries from 2005 and whoa the difference 5 years makes. I do kinda miss my financial and travel freedom, those were the days I could go on a trip to Bangkok and my account would barely take a hit. Reno loans, Ry’s school, daycare, helper etc etc… have replace those things. So I’m glad I got to travel a little, party some and experience all the heartache, weirdos, disappointments etc etc which have made my history interesting, worth telling and made me who I am today.  So one day when Rylen comes back sloshed and bitching about men and how fucked up they are or how life sucks, I know that it does get better… heck, it gets down right wonderful.